I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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