She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Randomize
