I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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