Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
