How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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