does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize