waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
