My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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