just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
