dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
