Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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