dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
