On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
