Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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