i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
