Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
