My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
