Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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