you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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