He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
