I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
