my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize