Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
