Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
