I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
