if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
