i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
