dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
