All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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