I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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