Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
