I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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