My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
