So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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