He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize