we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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