He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Randomize
