I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
