Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
