I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
