My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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