It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
