I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
