Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
