his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
