where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
