Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
