if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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