This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
