I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
