People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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