Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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