she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
We smell like vodka and hangover
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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