I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
