We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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