I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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