I wish I only lived at night.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i think im in europe. pls send help
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
