how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
