Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
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