You really coming over, don't trick.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
