you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
NoShamevember. You game?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
