do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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